What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
