U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my vag is so smooth its legendary
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize