Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
