I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
