a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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