I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
