I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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