fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
