I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
