we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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