Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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