he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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