i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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