How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
