Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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