i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you đ
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying âFUCK YOUâ to all my spam emails. Canât tell you how excited I am
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize