Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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