Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Randomize
