This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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