What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize