the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
