You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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