They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
