I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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