I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
