Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
