i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She bit a glass in half.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
