If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
