people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize