did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
