The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think a kid would responsible me up
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
