i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The power of my boobs compel you
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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