I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
