Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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