I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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