just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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