Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
