I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm getting married
To pizza
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize