shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
