There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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