i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize