I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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