Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
