I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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