I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she pinky promised me she was 18
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
