Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
