Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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