dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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