Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
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