You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize