just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
