I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
