this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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