Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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