I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
