I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
This girl is more easily done than said...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
