One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
