i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
