It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
