have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
