i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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