I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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