Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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