I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
