And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
