those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I don't deserve a penis
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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