she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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