it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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