remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
