I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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