well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
