Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
