you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
