If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
