I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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