I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
