I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
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