Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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