Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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