i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
