Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
