end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's blow job season.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
