The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
