Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
