You can't motorboat a personality
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
is that a dick in a sweater?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
