We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
