Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
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