New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize