The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
