you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
