Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
