So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize