NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
