Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
