The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The beer is more important than you right now.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
