trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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