Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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