i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I seem to have left my pride at pride
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
