mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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