T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize