Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
