i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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