She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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