DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
