you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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