i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
