Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
