spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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