i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize