Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize