i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
