Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
