i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
