She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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