Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
