so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
whose parrot is this?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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