hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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