One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
