she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
