its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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