I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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