goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
