he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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