im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
