Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize