I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
