That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
